


My Beloved Monster

by PrincessBlowpop



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fae & Fairies, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-02-24 08:04:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2574209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessBlowpop/pseuds/PrincessBlowpop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Merlin is a fairy and Arthur is his next meal but something stops him and suddenly Arthur is pulled into this magical world he never believed could exist. But the sidhe is in the evil clutches of Morgana and none of Kilgharrah's riddles make sense and all hope seems lost for Merlin. It doesn't help either that he seems to be torn between the two people he cares most about in the world. And what's this big destiny thing that Arthur is supposed to fulfill?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: this was named after the song My Beloved Monster by the Eels. I own nothing except for my words and ideas. Also, I posted the first chapter of this story about a year and a half ago and am planning to continue it now so the first chapter has been heavily edited. Expect more chapters soon hopefully.

Arthur darted through the dark streets as fast as his legs could stretch. His body was exhausted, his throat was hot, and he could feel the tightening in his muscles with every stride. No matter how fast he ran or how hard he pushed himself, the footsteps following him were persistent and constant. He couldn’t see much in the thick shadows the moonlight cast around him, and when he turned into an alleyway his access to light minimized even more, but he wanted to glance over his shoulder. He wasn’t sure anymore if what he heard were actually footsteps or just his accelerating heartbeat echoing in his skull. Not that he could hear anything from the ringing in his ears and his gasping breathes tearing the skin on the inside of his throat.

 He finally turned to look behind him when he knew he wouldn’t be able to continue for much longer, but only saw an abandoned street lined with dumpsters and littered with trash. He started to slow his movements and even wondered if he had imagined the whole thing, but when he turned back around a figure stood only a foot or two in front of him as if he had materialized from thin air. Arthur, not being able to stop in time, collided with the man as if hitting a brick wall and he bounced off of him and onto the pavement. His legs gave a sigh of relief but his body was still humming with adrenaline as he stared up at his unaffected pursuer, unsure of what was about to happen.

The man was beautiful, bathed in a beam of moonlight. He had pale skin that seemed to glow in the darkness and ebony hair that caught each grasp of light in its wavy curls. He was Arthur’s picture of perfection even if he was a bit too thin and his legs too long. He had the figure of the kind of person Arthur would have bullied or teased back in high school but the man’s posture and the way he carried himself reminded Arthur of why he had run. He looked like a killer.

Before Arthur could yell for help, the man pounced on him in one swift jump, and Arthur knew it was the end of him. But looking into those gorgeous blue eyes, as his lips formed a song and a hand caressed his face, he felt a sort of peace rise within himself. He closed his eyes and knew it was okay.

* * *

 Merlin was leaning up against the outside of a club called The Tavern in the town of Camelot that Mordred had dragged him to for a quick snack. He wasn’t being quick at all though, and a sick feeling settled in Merlin’s stomach as he pictured his younger friend toying with people’s lives in the small club like he was playing with food, even though that was essentially what he was doing. Merlin couldn’t understand how Mordred and the rest of his kind could just throw around people’s lives like that and eat just for the fun of it. He knew Mordred had gained years just from this past week and most of his kind acted similarly. In fact, Merlin probably had the shortest life span out of all of them with only about a month left on him right now, and he could feel the effects of being close to death immersing him.

Although he was naturally stronger and faster than humans, he currently felt fatigued and weak.  A constant ache had settled behind his eyes and his limbs were feeling heavier and slower. If he didn’t eat soon, his body would start rotting like a decaying corpse and he would lose all mobility and sanity. But he just hated doing it so much. He felt a sense of guilt for the humans paying with their lives just for his immortality. He just couldn’t stop picturing all of the people that would’ve been saved if he wasn’t in this world.

His elders told him he still felt guilty because he was young, and that soon he’d be rid of these thoughts. But that didn’t make sense because Mordred was so much younger than him and already in that state of mind. The elders said that it would be one kill that would make the difference; one kill that would make him realize that this was just the order of life. Half of him wanted it to happen already but the other half was retching from the remorse of it all.

He was about to go in after Mordred and tell him to hurry the hell up when something caught his eye. A man with dirty blonde hair and an oversized red hoodie strode out of the club and started walking the other way. Merlin wasn’t sure why the man seized his attention but his feet moved him before he realized it and soon he was following him.

After they were far enough that the music from the club had faded Merlin noticed he wasn’t being stealthy or quiet at all. In fact his footsteps were probably louder than the other man’s. He actually wasn’t very surprised when the blonde glanced over his shoulder once in a while to see who was making such a racket. He was a little startled though when the man suddenly darted off into a sprint.

It was at that moment that it clicked in Merlin’s head that this was his kill; the one that the elders had been talking about. He could feel this strange desire in his chest pulling him to run after the human that he couldn’t ignore. He was hesitant at first, but he knew this was something that had to be done. He followed the man’s trail and felt bad at how hard he was working to get away from Merlin. Even in this weakened state, Merlin’s supernatural powers still completely surpass the abilities of a mere human. He almost wanted to call out to him to stop and say that he wasn’t a monster but he knew it was too late now. There would be no more guilt, just killing.

When he saw the blonde glance over his shoulder, he took it as his opportunity to hurriedly jump up and over him. As soon as he turned back and saw Merlin, he didn’t have time to stop himself and the human bumped straight into his chest before falling to the ground. Merlin barely noticed the impact and instead fixated his gaze on his prey. This was the first time he saw the man’s face and he stopped for a second at how breath taking he was. He was slightly tanned with a wide set jaw and high cheekbones that gave his face a very masculine look, yet his eyes were a brilliant blue that softened his appearance and almost looked tainted by the fear swimming within them. Merlin pictured him smiling with his friends back at that club and wondered how his eyes would have sparkled then.

That was when he realized he found this human _attractive._ That was absolutely disgusting and he was pretty sure there must be some law against it. Humans to his kind were similar to how humans saw monkeys. They could be cute and funny to mess with, sometimes even pretty, but being attracted to one was just wrong. Really wrong.

He shoved those thoughts away, knowing they were slowing him down, and pounced on his victim so he was straddling him. Their faces were only inches apart now and the man smelled like cinnamon, laundry detergent, and not beer, surprisingly. Something felt wrong in his gut, but he pushed the feeling away as he began the familiar chant he learned all those years ago. He snaked his fingers around the blonde’s head as he sang, preparing to snap his neck, and only barely let his fingers linger on his lips and cheek. Merlin’s eyes were piercing through the darkness now, getting brighter with each ounce of magic that surged from his body, and he was about to break his neck and finish the spell when his victim closed his eyes and let out a peaceful sigh.

Merlin froze.

There was no squirming or screaming but instead the man submitted to Merlin’s wrath completely. It was almost like he _wanted_ to die. But that doesn’t make any sense, why would anyone go through all that trouble if they wanted to die? The thought scared Merlin. When the main purpose of his life was being immortal and trying to stay that way, it frightened him that someone could ever _want_ death. He subconsciously stopped the chant from his confusion and curiosity and his eyes seized glowing. After a couple of seconds of silence the human opened his eyes and they were just staring at each other.

“You okay, mate?” The man asked, a little breathless but surprisingly very calmly. His voice was deep and rough and Merlin could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he panted from the chase. His body was warm and breathing and sweaty and just felt so _alive_ that Merlin was taken aback. Merlin’s superior supernatural form was hard and cold like an impenetrable shell, never reacting to his physical environment like that. He suddenly felt so empty.

Merlin tried to answer but a lump in his throat stopped him.

“fuck.” He said as he felt a tear stream down his face. He sat back on his heels and rubbed his eyes with his palms. Maybe he shouldn’t have tried making a kill tonight. He was just being an emotional wreck.

“It’s alright.” The man said and put a comforting hand on Merlin’s forearm. Merlin hissed away from the touch before it could settle and moved so he was now crouching next to the man. Why did he start crying? He didn’t care about this human’s life at all and he certainly wasn’t scared of how he was making him feel. How can a human make him scared? He was above humans. They’re scared of him.

“No it’s not okay. I just tried to kill you and you don’t even give a fuck.” Merlin growled at him.

The man stared at him for a while, like he was pondering how to answer. Merlin tried not to squirm under the heavy gaze but couldn’t seem to hold eye contact with him. It wasn’t that the man was intimidating, it was just something. Something that he couldn’t figure out.

“There’s just something about you…” the man trailed off, propping himself up on his elbows so he could see Merlin better. His repetition of Merlin’s own thoughts was strange and Merlin wondered if he was having a similar feeling as him. “I’m not scared.”

They sat in silence and just watched each other until Merlin threw his head back laughing. He suddenly felt like an idiot. Why was he overthinking this so much?

“You fool,” he said, standing up, his voice dropping an octave. “You should fear me.”

The other man stood up also, obviously not intimidated at all, and stared into his eyes. He let the tension grow for a second before cracking a smile and slapping Merlin playfully on the arm.

“Hate to break it to you, mate, but it’d be hard for anyone to be scared of you. You’re just a tiny lad.” He stated, lightheartedly. Merlin glared at him.

“You seemed scared earlier when you were running from me.” Merlin snapped back.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t get a really good look at you then. I just thought you had a knife or something.” He answered. Merlin just raised a brow at his excuse.

“My name’s Arthur by the way.” He said holding out a hand. Merlin noticed that it was shaking and he wondered if it was just from the adrenaline dying down, or if he truly was scared.

“…Merlin.” He answered, hesitantly, and shook Arthur’s hand. He decided not to mention it.

“That’s a funny name. Like the wizard.” he pointed out.

“Yeah, we all have funny names.” Merlin replied, trying not to stare into Arthur’s eyes.

“You mean your family?” He asked.

“Yeah, I guess you could call them that.”

“What a coincidence, then. That you just happened to be Merlin and I just happened to be named Arthur.” He joked, probably just trying to lighten the mood. But, in all his years of living, this wasn’t the first Arthur he’d ever met and Merlin knew it wouldn’t be the last either.

“Yeah, I guess.” He replied, awkwardly.

At that moment Merlin realized they were still shaking hands and gracelessly dropped his to his side. There was a pause and Merlin found that he was unsure of what to do next, but he knew he felt extremely uncomfortable, never having been in this kind of situation before.

“Well I’m ganna go then,” Arthur said, taking the conversation into his own hands, which Merlin was grateful for. “You shouldn’t go around attacking people though, it doesn’t solve anything.”

Merlin scoffed. “Yeah whatever,”

“See you around, Merlin.”

Merlin watched him jog off and realized how completely bizarre that whole experience was. Never has he just let a victim get away and he bet that if he ever did, they wouldn’t act like that. They would probably run and scream in a huge panic. And then it hit him.

Had he just made friends… with a human?


	2. Chapter 2

Merlin took his time getting back to the club, knowing Mordred would be done by now and angry at him for leaving. He saw his companion from a distance at first, standing under a streetlight in front of the small brick building that was still vibrating with music. Mordred was shorter then Merlin, which made him look like a sixteen year old teenager in comparison, and his face was wider and his hair shaggier, but they both shared the pale skin, dark hair, and light blue eyes that distinguished their kind.

Mordred’s eyes reflected the light from his phone, highlighting the panic that lay behind them, as he frantically typed away at the small device. Merlin stopped before reaching his line of sight and fished his forgotten cellphone from his hoodie pocket to see three missed calls and nine text messages all from Mordred. He found it amusing how the younger boy constantly attempted to seem tough and intimidating to everyone else, while also being a complete suck up to the elders, but had such an evident fear of being alone.

Still, Mordred had been one of his closest friends since Merlin moved to this sídhe in Avalon and he really owed him for joining him on this quest. But, even though he wanted to call his friend’s actions loyalty, he sometimes thought that Mordred had just come along because he was scared to be alone in the sídhe again. Either way, he knew they had to stick together now that they were outside their territory, so he couldn’t help feeling bad for ditching Mordred, even if it was only for ten minutes or so.

“Where the hell have you been?” Mordred demanded as soon as Merlin came into view.

“I found someone.” Merlin answered, trying not to lie as much as possible.

“Oh, that’s great!” Mordred exclaimed his face lighting up. He always got excited whenever Merlin actually killed someone. “How much did you get?”

“…I don’t know, a month maybe?” Merlin said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Merlin could see the smile falling from his friend’s face as he realized what had happened.

“You didn’t kill them, did you?” Mordred finally asked.

Merlin shook his head, knowing there was no point in even trying to lie.

“Damn it, Merlin! You’ve only got, what, a couple weeks left? If you don’t hurry up you’ll end up giving a really shitty tithe and the elders will get pissed. Or you might even die before we can make it back to the sídhe. Is that what you want?”

Merlin couldn’t bring himself to look into his companion’s eyes and instead just stared at the ground and kicked a rock with his foot. He actually found that he wasn’t entirely sure how to answer his question.

“Merlin?!” Mordred exclaimed, losing his patience and drawing a couple eyes from people loitering and passing by.

“I know, I know.” Merlin assured in a much softer tone. “I’m working on it.”

“Think of it like this,” Mordred began in his classic know-it-all tone. “The less time you have, the weaker you are. And we’re not going to get anywhere on this stupid quest if you’re not at your best. So basically, do it for your dad and everyone back home, yeah?”

Merlin raised an eyebrow at Mordred’s attempt at helping. It might have actually worked if he had worded it a little differently, but he knew it was the thought that counted. Plus, he was actually kind of right, but Merlin wasn’t about to let him know that.

“You know, you’re really bad at this whole encouragement thing.” Merlin teased.

Mordred sighed and mumbled something about putting up with Merlin’s shit before finally saying, “Let’s go.”

The two of them walked around a bit in silence until they found a different motel to stay at. It was smaller and dirtier than their rooms back at the sídhe but it would have to do. They couldn’t risk going to some big hotel, even though they could easily afford it, and getting noticed outside their territory. They paid the man behind the small desk for their room with enchanted money, but he would only realize that in a couple of weeks, after they were long gone, when the bills turned back to leaves and the coins to rocks. They had no bags other than the clothes on their backs and whatever they could fit into their pockets, and Merlin was getting really damn tired of wearing the same thing for a week straight.

“Maybe we should get some new clothes.” Merlin suggested as Mordred threw himself onto the queen-sized bed.

“You could’ve said something earlier when we were walking around.” Mordred mumbled into a pillow.

“I didn’t think about it until now.”

“In the morning.” Was all Mordred answered with and Merlin could tell he was drifting off.  He decided not to get mad at his friend for falling asleep on him, so instead he pulled the younger boy’s shoes off so he wouldn’t get mud on the bed and very gently, as not to wake him, removed his shirt so it wouldn’t be wrinkled for tomorrow. Then he proceeded to stand under the shower for an hour and, once again, contemplate the meaning of life and his existence, before crawling into bed next to his friend.

Sleep never came easily anymore, not since all hell broke loose at the sídhe. Gaius, one of the elders, assigned him to the task of finding his dad, Balinor, to try and fix everything. Half of him was really excited at the chance of finally meeting his dad but another part of him was worried. What if he wasn’t the man Merlin wanted him to be? After all, he was kicked out of the sídhe for a reason. But what worried Merlin most of all was the thought of not finding him. Kilgharrah usually talks in riddles, but he made it very clear where to find “the one who will save us all.” Merlin was certain to find his dad here but, so far, there was no sign of him. And they couldn’t stay too long because of the tithe ceremony coming up in a couple weeks.

And then there was Arthur, the strangely beautiful man he had tried, and failed, to kill not two hours ago, who was probably wandering around Camelot right now just as confused as Merlin was. He was still really unsure about what happened with the human, and where that drawing feeling in his chest had come from, and he wondered if he should do something about it. But what could he do? Even if Arthur told someone about him or turned him in, Merlin could easily get away. But he knew Gaius would get mad and he also didn’t want to gain a reputation in the human world. But Arthur didn’t seem like that kind of person. He seemed like someone you could trust. In fact, Merlin did want to go and find Arthur, but to just have a conversation with him and get to know him better.

Was it weird that he fell asleep dreaming about Arthur pinned under him like that again?

* * *

 It was true that Arthur was feeling a lot more shaken then he let on as he conversed with his attacker, and his body was still throbbing as he walked away. His legs ached and his throat felt tight and raw and his hands stung from where they scratched against the pavement. He also hurt his arse pretty badly when he fell on it and hoped Gwaine wouldn’t notice his limp when he got to the apartment forty-five minutes late for movie night. But of course, that was too much to ask for considering Gwaine.

“You know I don’t mind you being late if you’re getting a hook up, just warn me next time so I’m not sitting on my arse waiting for you like a love-struck girl.” Gwaine said from the couch when Arthur walked into their flat. “I’m just surprised you’d bottom for once in your life. Too much Pendragon pride in you to let something like that happen.” Gwaine continued, turning around fully to get a better look at his best friend. “And why are you so dirty? Did you force the man into a shag behind the club?”

“Gwaine, why do you have to make everything sexual?” Arthur asked a he pulled off his hoodie and threw it on a chair and kicked his shoes off. “I think I just got attacked, actually.”

“Bloody hell, Arthur, what do you mean you _think_ you got attacked?” Gwaine asked, getting up from the couch and walking over to him. Gwaine extended his arms as if trying to support his friend, but Arthur just pushed around him and fell onto the couch with a sigh of relief before answering his question.

“Well, like, this guy attacked me, and I seriously thought he was going to kill me, but then he just stopped. We even chatted for a bit after.”

“You _chatted_ with a guy who attacked you?” Gwaine asked, crossing his arms in disbelief.

“Well, I think he was trying to kill me actually. I just said attack because it didn’t sound as bad.” Arthur corrected.

“That’s even worse!” Gwaine exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. “Did you see his face or get his name or something? We need to turn this guy in.” Gwaine said as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and started dialing.

“No, stop!” Arthur yelled as he jumped up and took the phone from his hand. “I don’t want to turn him in.”

Gwaine gave him a bewildered look.

“Why the hell not?” He asked, raising his eyebrows in confusion.

“I don’t think he meant harm. He seemed scared and confused. I don’t think he wanted to do it.” Arthur mumbled the last part and turned the phone over in his hands.

“What, are you trying to tell me he was a psycho or something?”

“No, no, nothing like that.” Arthur answered, staring at the phone in his hands as he tried to sort out what he was saying. Even he was having difficulty deciphering the feeling he had when he was around Merlin. “It’s hard to explain, okay.” 

A silence stretched between them and Arthur found it difficult to look straight into his friend’s eyes, knowing exactly what he was thinking.

“Oh my God,” Gwaine finally said falling back onto the couch. “You think he’s cute, don’t you?”

Arthur blushed at his feet. “Of course not. That’s ridiculous.” He answered, a little too quickly, as he tried to subtly make his way to his room before Gwaine could keep pressing. He could hear the older male howling with laughter from the couch as he made his escape.

“Only you, Arthur, could take a life threatening situation and make it romantic!” Gwaine yelled in between laughs. Arthur threw the phone at Gwaine’s head before hurrying to his room and slamming the door behind him.

Because Gwaine was right, Merlin was really fucking attractive, big ears and lanky limbs and all.

Arthur was completely exhausted though, and just wanted to pass out in his bed. He contemplated taking a shower but the thought of having to stand in the box for ten minutes made his legs cringe and he didn’t want to pass Gwaine again on the way to their shared bathroom. Instead he settled on changing into a set of clean pajama bottoms and an old t-shirt before tucking himself into bed with a promise of showering in the morning.

He thought sleep would come easily that night with the state his body was in but his mind kept whirring with thoughts. There was something off about Merlin that he couldn’t put his finger on. It was like something inside him was forcing him to kill Arthur, something in-humane, and Merlin had to fight it. A part of him wanted to find Merlin and help, mostly because he was curious but also because he felt like he needed his aide. It was almost like they were connected, like something was drawing them together. When he saw Merlin as he left the club, before he passed him and Merlin started following him, he noticed Merlin and looked at him. This might not seem weird if you just think about it but given the rush Arthur was in to get home and the amount of people he passed leaving the club, it was strange that Merlin, out of everyone, caught his eye. He guessed that the same thing happened for Merlin since he started to follow him, but why did he try and kill him? He didn’t seem crazy when he had talked to Arthur afterward, but he did seem like there was some sort of emotional battle erupting inside of him. Maybe he had some sort of bipolar disorder?

But the biggest question floating through Arthur’s mind was: Why did Merlin’s eyes glow? He distinctly remembered the clear blue orbs erupting into a bright and vibrant gold. He was so close, he could see the beams of light dancing through his eyes and piercing through the night like lightning. Normal eyes don’t do that. And he couldn’t shake the feeling of electricity that vibrated from Merlin’s fingertips and through his body at that moment, completely numbing his pain and clearing his mind. His eyelids grew heavy as he recalled those feeling but his mind drifted back to Merlin’s normal state. He thought about his fingers when they shook hands, the sparkle in his eyes when he cried, and the way his lips moved when he spoke, and he fell asleep dreaming about those brilliant blue eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone could help me with British slang and just making them sound more British in general that would be really helpful :)

It was about two weeks later when Merlin and Mordred decided to finally close their quest, seeing no signs of Balinor, and passed through Camelot once again on their way home. It was the closest town to their sídhe so they decided to spend a night there once more to do one last scan before heading home in the morning. At least, that’s what Merlin told himself they were doing. He definitely wasn’t hoping to run into Arthur again or anything because that would just be pathetic. And maybe going back to the same club they went to before wasn’t the best idea, but he didn’t protest when Mordred dragged him there.  Still, Mordred swore it had easy targets and Merlin really needed one as much as he didn’t want to admit it.

He knew the hunt well, having done it so many times before, and picked a vulnerable target after only a couple minutes of searching. She was almost sickly thin with long brown hair and a revealing dress and her dark makeup was smeared from a long night of dancing. More importantly though, she was very tipsy, alone, and obviously looking for attention, so he made his way over to her and bought her a drink with his enchanted money. This was the hard part of it all; having to talk to her and convince her he was a good time when he knew her fate. He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind and focused on the objective. He was a little surprised when she decided to come around back with him before she even finished her drink, but he wasn’t about to object. He led her outside and around to the deserted back side of the club and pressed her against the wall. Then he started to sing.

At first the girl was confused, and she looked like she was going to say something, but then his eyes started to glow. She must have realized something was wrong because she started to struggle so he grabbed her wrists and held her back. She screamed but nobody came, no one could hear her over the music and she knew that. Tears were rolling down her face by the time he finished the chant and Merlin wanted to look away but knew he couldn’t.  She was paralyzed when he let go of her wrists and, in one swift motion, snapped her neck.  Then he had just seconds to hover his mouth over hers and suck the remaining life out of her. He was sad when he felt how long her life was but relieved as he felt its effect settling inside his body and rejuvenating his muscles. His shoulders felt lighter, his back straightened up, and it was suddenly easier to breathe.

Her body started to slump but he caught her before she could reach the ground and picked her up bridle style. He carried her over to a weed infested lawn that started after the small concrete parking lot they were standing in and gently laid her in the dirt. He extended his hand above her lifeless form and conjured a sum of magic so green grass surrounded her and engulfed her into the ground before replacing her body with bright, yellow wild flowers. He made sure that not a single weed would ever grow over her grave again.

He decided to stand there in silence in a moment of respect. He never asked their names beforehand because it made it harder to kill them, but he always wished he did afterwards. It just feels cruel to not know. Then again his whole life was just an evil joke.

He was going to stay a few more moments when a voice made him jump around in surprise.

“Is that what you were going to do to me?” It was Arthur.

Merlin froze at seeing the blonde male again. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t hoped to run into Arthur again but he didn’t want to see him like this. This meant he had seen Merlin do magic.             

“What are you doing here?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

“You’re not answering my question.” Arthur said through gritted teeth.

Merlin subconsciously stepped away from the grave and stared down at the pavement, not really knowing what to do. It would be dangerous to tell him the truth but it could also be just as dangerous to lie or run away. Now that Arthur had seen him, there was no going back. He really wished he could text Mordred to come and help him, but he knew the younger boy would probably just suggest killing him.

After a couple seconds of Merlin not answering, Arthur stepped closer to him, fuming and obviously not scared at all of what he had just seen.

“Who are you? No, _what_ are you?” He asked, staring into Merlin’s eyes, only about a foot in front of him now.

“I-” Merlin wasn’t really sure what to say. He didn’t want to put Arthur’s life at risk any more than it already was. “I can’t tell you. If they figure out, they’ll kill you.”

“Who’s they?” He asked, more sternly.

“Fuck.” Merlin cursed, covering his eyes with a hand. “Fuck. Please, just forget this. Forget me.” He pleaded. He didn’t want somebody else to die because of his mistakes.

“Merlin, I’ve been coming to this club and standing outside the door for two weeks just hoping to run into you again because I wanted to know how your eyes could glow. And now you just killed a girl and made her body disappear into the fucking ground.” He gestured to the flowers in the grass and held a heavy gaze with Merlin. “I will never be able to forget this.”

“I can make you forget,” Merlin offered. “And maybe if I get you out of here soon, before Mordred finds me, I can save you from this.”

“From _what_?” he asked and it was pretty obvious he had lost his patience.

“The Fates.”  He finally said, wanting to give Arthur an answer but knowing it wouldn’t answer anything.

Arthur had opened his mouth to say something else, probably ask another question, but he was interrupted.

“Merlin!” Mordred yelled from the sidewalk in front of the club.

“You need to get out of here. Run.” Merlin whispered at Arthur. But Arthur didn’t budge and Mordred was standing next to them within a second.

“Good God, Merlin, you look great. That last one must’ve had a lot in her.” He said looking Merlin up and down before glancing over at Arthur. “Oh, and you found another one too? Good job, mate! You think we could share him though? My guy didn’t have that much juice left in him.”

Arthur’s eyes were as big as saucers and Merlin slapped Mordred in the arm.

“Is he like you too?” Arthur asked like he was completely shocked there were more people who were crazy like Merlin.

“Did you tell him about us?” Mordred questioned, worried, as he began to read the seriousness of the conversation he just interrupted.

“Well, I was trying not to, but he saw me do magic… And I also tried to kill him the first time we came here.” Merlin answered, deciding it was best to tell Mordred the truth.

“Merlin, you need to be more careful! God, for someone who hates getting into trouble you really get into trouble a lot.” Mordred lectured, which was weird because Merlin’s older. “You know we have to kill him now so I really hope you haven’t made friends with him.”

“We don’t _have_ to kill him.” Merlin suggested, trying not to sound too anxious.

“If we don’t then we have to bring him back to Avalon and who knows what they’ll do with him there, especially this close to the tithe ceremony.”

“No, we could always just leave him here.”

“What, so he can go running around town screaming about meeting fairies?”

Merlin glared Mordred down for letting it slip and the younger boy covered his mouth like it would somehow take the word back. Both boys glanced at Arthur who was staring at them like they had just claimed to be the queen’s dogs.

"You’re joking.” Arthur said after a couple moments.

“I just killed a girl and used magic to bury her body. Does it look like we’re joking?” Merlin inquired, trying to skip the whole ‘but fairies aren’t real’ stage that people go through when they figure it out.

“So you guys are… _fairies_ then?” Arthur asked, still with complete disbelief.

“Yeah, well, to humans we are. We call ourselves fay.” Merlin answered.

“Don’t explain it to him!  You’re just making things worse.” Mordred exclaimed, grabbing at Merlin’s arm.

“Sorry,” Merlin apologized, scratching the back of his neck.

“The best we can do is just wipe your memory, mate, and even then we’d still be lying to our elders.” Mordred said turning to Arthur and immediately raised a hand in front of his face, about to recite the memory loss spell. The younger boy’s eyes began to glow, the same gold that Merlin’s had, and Arthur glanced at Merlin with pleading eyes. Merlin cringed a little inside. He really didn’t want Arthur to forget him and he couldn’t stop himself from yelling.

“Stop!” Mordred turned to Merlin, his eyes fading back to their original blue, but never lowered his hand.

“What?”

“Well… maybe he could help.” Merlin suggested, not really sure where he was going with this. “I mean, he probably knows more about the human world then we do.”

Mordred raised an eyebrow at this and thought it over for a second before turning back to Arthur, who was now looking very terrified at Mordred’s still raised hand, before asking him.

“Do you know Balinor?”

There was a pause and Merlin prayed he would lie or something just to buy them more time.

“You mean the shop that sells the wood carvings of dragons and shit?” he answered, never letting his eyes stray from Mordred’s hand.

Merlin rushed over to stand in front of Arthur, pushing Mordred’s hand away, and grabbed his shoulders.

“You know Balinor?” Merlin questioned, trying not to let his sense of urgency leak into his voice but knowing he was failing miserably. The only relic he had of his father was a wooden dragon carving he had made for Merlin before he left, so he knew the man Arthur was talking about had to be him.

“Yeah, my dad helped him set up his shop, I think somewhere up north from here. He used to help with small businesses and stuff for a living.” Arthur explained, and he kept going when they didn’t interrupt him. “I remember going there when I was younger and seeing all his wood carvings and he gave me one too for free. My dad probably still has his file somewhere.” He was staring into Merlin’s eyes as if trying to show how completely honest he was being. Of course, that didn’t stop Mordred, though.

“How do we know you’re not lying just to save your own skin?”

“Shut up, Mordred, he’s the only lead we have.” Merlin reprimanded.

“Doesn’t matter anyway,” Mordred started. “We can’t go chasing after him now, not with the tithe ceremony in only a week. If we don’t show up we might get killed ourselves.”

“Damn it,” Merlin cursed, knowing he was right. He just realized that he was still holding onto Arthur’s shoulders and let his hands fall back to his sides, not noticing how Arthur followed their movement with an unwavering stare.

After a second of pondering, Mordred whispered their only solution.

“I guess we’ll just have to take him with us.”

“Mordred, are you mad? Even if we did manage to get him into the sídhe, everyone would notice he was human the second he walked in. Other than Morgause, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a blonde fay before.” Merlin claimed.

“All we would have to do is shrink him down to the size of a fay and cloak him with a weak invisibility spell to make him go unnoticed until we can get him to Gaius.” Mordred stated.

“You mean having two spells going on at once and hoping that we look completely normal?” Merlin argued.

“Merlin, if anyone can do this, it’s us.” Mordred encouraged. Merlin just stared at him with a doubtful look.

“Hey, wait, don’t I have a say in this.” Arthur piped in. The two dark haired boys turned to him with raised eyebrows implying that he really didn’t. “My father is a millionaire and if I don’t come home tonight my flat mate will tell him and soon every police officer in the country will be looking for me.”

“So? That’s not really our problem.” Mordred answered, in a dull voice.

“Yes, it is. They could easily trace me back to your precious sídhe or whatever and find your lot.” Arthur pointed out.

“He’s right, you know.” Merlin told his friend. “We can’t take that kind of chance.”

“So what do you propose we do then? Maybe you should just tell us where Balinor is and then we can kill you right here so they can’t track down our sídhe. We’re good at making things look like accidents.” Mordred threatened with a sinister smile on his face and a shudder went down Arthur’s spine but he still answered calm and collectively.

“I don’t remember where that shop was, I’d have to get the file from my dad somehow. Just let me talk to my flat mate to give him an excuse so that if my father calls then he can just feed it back to him.”

After a second of contemplating, Mordred nodded, accepting his defense.

“Merlin, you walk with him to his flat, make sure he doesn’t try anything. I’ll go call Adelaide. Hopefully she can give us a ride.”

“Adelaide? Why do you need to get her?” Merlin questioned.

“Well we’re not exactly going to make it to Avalon in time at a human’s pace.” Mordred answered, gesturing towards Arthur.

“Oh, yeah, I guess you’re right.” Merlin agreed.

“Meet me on our side of the border. I can’t take this pixie territory any longer.” Arthur’s eyes widened at the mention of another mythical creature, but he didn’t question it. “We’ll travel tonight.”


	4. Chapter 4

Merlin nodded to his friend before they each turned their separate ways. He walked towards town with Arthur while Mordred disappeared into the forest behind the club. It didn’t take long before Arthur started talking though.

“So, you’re a…fairy.” He stated like he was still testing out the word.

“Yep.” Merlin answered as they walked shoulder to shoulder down the narrow sidewalk. Once they got away from the club, the street was dim and empty, except for the occasional car driving by, and incredibly quiet. The autumn air was cold enough to keep the bugs from singing, but not so cold that it was uncomfortable, but it caused a deafening silence whenever they would stop talking.

“That still doesn’t explain why you tried to kill me or why you killed that girl.” He said but Merlin knew it was coming.

“It’s kind of a long story actually… but it’s basically how we like stay immortal kind of.” Merlin explained hesitantly, wondering how much of this he should be actually telling Arthur. But, since he was about to see their sídhe, explaining this background information to him couldn’t make things that much worse, could it?

“Wait, you’re immortal? How does that even work? And that still doesn’t explain the killing thing.” Arthur exclaimed, rambling off questions. “How old are you even?”

“Oh, God, okay.” Merlin began, deciding to tackle the easiest of the questions first. “Well, I’m pretty old compared to you guys, I guess, but young for a fay.  Time passes slower in the sídhe so it’s hard to compare.”

Arthur pursed his lips at that, probably annoyed that he didn’t get a direct answer, but luckily he moved on. Merlin was scared that it would freak Arthur out if he knew his true age.

“Okay, and the immortality thing?” Arthur asked.

“You know, it’s really dangerous for you to know about all of this,” Merlin warned, hoping he would cease his questioning.

“You’re basically kidnapping me right now, you realize?” Arthur told him. “You owe me this much, at least.”

Merlin sighed in defeat; he was just as bad at arguing as he was at lying. They turned a corner onto a similarly desolate street but Merlin glanced around anyway to make sure there wasn’t anyone within earshot.

“Well, you see, it’s a little complicated,” he began, “but basically if you’re immortal you’re either in heaven or hell. Immortal beings aren’t allowed to walk the earth because they won’t have anyone to govern them like God or Satan. Fairies, though, are like people who aren’t good enough for heaven or bad enough for hell so neither party wants us.” Merlin paused to make sure his companion was keeping up with him before continuing on with his explanation. “But they still had to come to some sort of agreement on what to do with us so that we’re not just running around wild and decided to give us a way to work for our immortality.”

“So they make you kill for it?” Arthur wondered, starting to connect the dots himself.

“Yeah, basically, to save a life, you must take one.” Merlin continued. “The elders teach us that it’s supposed to be a common goal that brings us together but really, to me and most of the younger fates, it’s just like a slave drive. It’s kind of like releasing cats to keep a rat population down. We’re the cats and you guys are the rats.” He said gesturing to Arthur. The blonde’s eyebrows shot up at this and Merlin suddenly wondered if he was scaring him. But, Arthur didn’t try to stop him, so he kept going. “But to keep us humane, almost, they keep a ticking time bomb on us. Whenever we kill, we get a fraction of the person’s remaining life force as our own and that’s how most of us try and be immortal.”

“So if you stop killing, you die?” Arthur said, glancing over at Merlin. Merlin tried to read his face but it remained stern and emotionless. He almost tripped over the edge of the curb when they reached an intersection because he was so focused on Arthur’s face.

“Yeah, basically.” Merlin answered, tearing his eyes away from the other man and instead directing them towards the ground. “But, once a year, we have to offer a tithe of a tenth of our lifespan to Tír na hÓige, or what you guys call the Land of Youth. That was the tithe ceremony thing we kept talking about earlier and it’s coming up next week so everyone’s just freaking out. But, yeah, some people say it’s to keep the demons and angels immortal but no one really knows. We’re taught that we’re being tested to see if _we’re_ going to eventually become angels or demons but that’s kind of just a theory. We don’t really have a purpose, you know? Sorry, I’m really bad at explaining things. Did that make any sense at all?”

“No, you explained that fine. It’s just a lot more to take in… a lot more than I expected when I came searching for you.” Arthur reassured. He paused for a second before asking another question. “So God and heaven and all that stuff is real then?”

“Well, that’s what they teach us in school but I don’t really know. I’ve never met God or an angel or anything.” Merlin explained.

“Oh, ok.” Arthur said a little disappointed. A silence suddenly fell between them and Merlin could feel the next question Arthur was going to ask, and he dreaded it because he wasn’t sure how to reply. The anticipation was suffocating, but the way Arthur’s voice broke when he finally asked hurt even worse.

“So, why didn’t you kill… me?” He knew Arthur was more affected by their meeting the other night then he had let on. He could remember how his hand had been shaking and his body had been humming with adrenaline and he wondered what kind of emotional scarring that experience had had on him. Maybe it was a good thing that none of his victims had ever survived an encounter with him before? He wasn’t sure how the human mind would handle that sort of trauma.

“I just… I don’t... It’s all just so fucked up, Arthur.” Merlin said, not knowing how to explain the feeling he had at that moment. Arthur’s eyes darted up at hearing his name and Merlin wondered if he had been too casual by using it. “I hate doing it. I hate killing. Magic shouldn’t be used for this and no one should have power over life and death like this.” Merlin was rambling now, he knew, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop and it all just kept pouring out. “Who am I to say that my life is more important, you know? And you just seemed so… I don’t know, so much better than all this. Like you had something to actually live for, and… I don’t know…I just.” Merlin mumbled off, not knowing where he was going with this and how to end it. He glanced at Arthur and worried if he had said too much, because he does that a lot.

Arthur didn’t respond and silence fell over them once more. Merlin didn’t know what to say and he wasn’t sure how Arthur was absorbing all this. He shouldn’t be surprised, though. After everything he’s put Arthur through, why should he expect him to understand him, or pity him, or forgive him? They turned a corner onto a much smaller street and Merlin wished the moon was brighter so he could make out the blonde’s expression.

“You hate me, don’t you?” Merlin finally asked.

“Why would I hate you?” Arthur mumbled so quietly that Merlin almost lost the words to the sound of a car driving by. He was honestly astonished at how the male was responding to everything that was happening. For a human, Arthur certainly didn’t act like one.

“Well, I tried to kill you, I killed a girl right in front of you, and we’re kind of taking you hostage right now.” Merlin countered like it was the most obvious thing in the world, because, really, it was.

“You seem scared, Merlin.” Arthur responded immediately, and much more confidently too, like he was expecting the answer and already new how to reply. “Like you don’t want to hurt people, but you do it because you’re told to. Like you have all this power that you don’t even want, but you keep feeding it because that’s what people expect you to do. Like you’re floating around living a life you hate because destiny worked it out for you. And, honestly, I don’t see how you’re not good enough for heaven.”

Merlin wasn’t sure when they stopped walking, but they were standing still now and staring into each other’s eyes. Even in the dark of the night, Arthur’s eyes still managed to shine with his words. The feeling from the other night returned in his chest, like a string was tied to his heart and pulling him towards this strange but beautiful man. He was fighting every nerve, every instinct, in his body that was pulling him to get closer, to touch him. Merlin gulped not only at the sincerity of his argument but also the uncertainty this human was making him feel. No one has ever read him as easily as Arthur just did and it honestly scared him.

Merlin cleared his throat, breaking the silence. “I was born a fay,” he stated, clearing his throat trying to sound unfazed at the intense moment that had just occurred between them. He started walking then and watched as Arthur fell into step next to him. “So, who knows, right? If I’m really good enough for heaven or not.”

Arthur didn’t say anything else and Merlin was too scared to break the silence again. This sensation in his chest felt unreal, almost supernatural, but at the same time it was so real it was impossible to ignore. He was aware of every breath Arthur took, the way his arms swung as he walked, the shifting of his weight between his feet, and when their hands brushed at one point, a jolt of magic sparked between them like an electric shock. It was almost frustrating how distracting it was and Merlin almost tripped over himself because he was so focused on it.

After what felt like a lifetime, they finally arrived at a small apartment building built from rusty red bricks and squished by identical buildings on either side, and walked a couple squeaky steps to the front door and then up a flight of stairs to reach Arthur’s flat.

“So what happens when you… you know… die?” Arthur asked as he fumbled with the keys and Merlin noticed his hands were shaking again but he didn’t mention it. He was surprised at the question, and he wondered how long Arthur had been mulling over whether to ask it or not.

“Who knows? We’re just clinging to what we’ve got. Just like you lot.” Merlin answered just as Arthur managed to get the door open. He didn’t respond to Merlin’s answer and instead made his way into the flat and shut the door behind them.

“If you came here for a shag with your new mate there, I suggest you reconsider because I just opened a beer and there’s no way I’m leaving,” came a booming voice from the couch. Merlin wondered how the stranger had known he was there without even turning around from whatever he was watching on the tellie.

“Shut up Gwaine! Remember how I told you to stop turning everything sexual?” Arthur yelled back as he pulled off his jumper and threw it on a nearby chair and kicked off his shoes.

Arthur’s flat was small and cozy but still the equivalent of a teenage boy’s room. There were shirts and socks draped over random pieces of furniture, empty beer cans left on the counters and coffee table, stains in the carpet, a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, and posters of cars and bands on the white walls. Still, it looked like someone had tried to organize at some point from the amount of storage available, strategically placed, but empty, waste baskets, and a couple of stain removers sitting on the kitchen counter. Plus, it didn’t smell as bad as it looked. In fact, it smelled a lot like Arthur, and Merlin felt suddenly out of place intruding into the other man’s home.

“Sorry for the mess.” Arthur apologized as he threw some nearby beer cans into a waste basket. “Gwaine can turn into a real pig if I leave him alone for too long.” Merlin could see Arthur cringe a little when he processed what his words implied but brushed off the feeling.

“Oi! You’re just a princess and can’t embrace you’re inner manliness.” Gwaine called back from the couch and earned an eye roll from Arthur. “So, is this the Merlin guy you were telling me about?”

Merlin froze and his eyes connected with Arthur whose cheeks were becoming visibly darker.

“N-no! No, what are you talking about?!” Arthur replied hastily. Gwaine turned and peered at them over the back of the couch with a cocked eyebrow. It was the first time merlin got a look at the man’s face. He had shoulder-length, thick, brown locks, a row of stubble outlining his jaw, and a pair of deep, brown eyes. Merlin could tell that he was handsome, and he had that aura of being a womanizer about him, but he didn’t spark the same attractiveness Arthur did. Even just standing a few feet away from the blonde man, he could still feel that invisible string pulling them together and every nerve inside of him was screaming at him to get closer. He desperately wondered if Arthur could feel it too but he was too scared to ask.

 “This is… Edwin, an old family friend of mine.” Arthur lied, very badly, sending Gwaine’s eyebrow even higher. “Actually, I’m going to be leaving with him to go take care of something. I can’t tell you what or for how long but I need you to trust me.” Arthur said his voice now stern.

Gwaine’s back visibly straightened and his face set into a serious expression. He nodded once before muttering a firm “Of course.” The change in character was alarming, and Merlin wondered what exactly their relationship was. At first they just seemed like good mates, but now it reflected one of a king and loyal subject.

Arthur slipped into a room and started shuffling around leaving Merlin alone in the main room with Gwaine. The door was open so anything they said could be easily heard by Arthur so Gwaine settled with sending Merlin a nasty glare to convey his unspoken words. He made it pretty obvious that if Merlin did anything to hurt Arthur, he would get his head chopped off. The worst part though was that Arthur probably would get hurt, and, even though Merlin could easily take Gwaine, that knowledge made him squirm under the man’s gaze. He felt like he was betraying him and bringing unnecessary havoc into their life, even though he knew that all of this was completely necessary if it would help them find Balinor.

At that moment, Arthur re-entered the room and Gwaine instantly let his gaze drop. Arthur had changed into the same, red jumper he was wearing the night they met and had a small black backpack hanging off one shoulder. He didn’t notice the tension in the room and walked over to the counter to stuff his wallet in his pocket.

“If my father calls, tell him I’m with Leon or Mithian or somebody else he likes, ok?” Arthur said as he motioned for Merlin to follow him to the door. Gwaine had turned back to the show he was watching and just spared them a thumbs up from over his shoulder. “Thanks for doing this, Gwaine. You’re a good friend.”

“It’s my pleasure, princess.” Gwaine answered, turning to give them a wink before the pair pushed through the door and left.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Feedback is much appreciated <3


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